smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
