Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
