yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
