so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
