I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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