i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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