dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
