I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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