Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Acid is not a monday night drug
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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