We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize