You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
