I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
