this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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