and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
