Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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