just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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