Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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