ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My balls are so social today.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
