He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize