So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
