I am in a vortex of obligation.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
