If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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