for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
