so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
