Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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