doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
