If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
