So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
