You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
