i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
