Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize