I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It's never too late to be topless.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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