and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize