my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you win again, gameday.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
