he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize