Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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