R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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