dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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