HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize