Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
