awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
