i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
