Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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