Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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