please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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