I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
