DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
