so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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