I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Randomize
