Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
