weddingsv make me drug and hornr
wat bout pragnant strippers??
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Two words: blizzard sex
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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