he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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