just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
