using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
