Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
