He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize