guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
