I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
