Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
