im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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