So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
