I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
last night I used snow as a chaser
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
