Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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