My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Gay?
German.
Pity.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
