"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
