Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
