When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
